I have never been so excited to get back to a monastery. The next section of the Monkalong (hosted by the fabulous Alice of Reading Rambo!) returns us to the titular character, THE MONK, who experiences brief but intense postcoital regret, which Matilda quickly talks him out of. Using wiles.
Quote: “Ambrosio rioted in delights till then unknown to him.” Ahahahahahahahahahaha. I would read three more chapters about Ambrosio discovering sex. Ambrosio discovers hand jobs! Ambrosio discovers oral! Ambrosio buys a butt plug!
Okay, but then, because THE MONK is a garbage human being and he always was, he starts liking Matilda less and less. Don’t get me wrong. He continues to sleep with her. He’s just resentful about it. He’s like, why is she having so much sex with me? What’s wrong with her that she’s willing to have sex with me all the time?
Quote: ” She assumed a sort of courage and manliness in her manners and discourse but ill-calculated to please him.”
His frustration with Matilda and her perpetual sexual availability even extends to the picture of the Madonna that he once cherished (for reasons that are too stupid to record here, the portrait looks like Matilda), and — in probably my favorite moment of this section — he tears the picture off the wall and screams “PROSTITUTE” at it.
Anyway, the next thing that happens (I knew it) is that he becomes obsessed with beautiful virginal ingenue Antonia. By agreeing to visit her sick mother (Elvira is sick by this time) as her confessor, he gets to be at Antonia’s house all the time in secret. Elvira, possibly the only non-stupid person in this story, doesn’t trust him. When THE MONK tries to hang out with Antonia just the two of them, Elvira gives it the absolute side-eye.
However, lest we get too attached to Elvira, I should also mention that she copies out the Bible by hand for Antonia, excluding any passages that she thinks would not be appropriate for Antonia’s Innocence ™. Good work, Elvira. Top-notch parenting.
So THEN Ambrosio makes out with Antonia in private because he thinks she’s into it, and THEN he goes back to the monkery, where Matilda tells him she can get Antonia for him as long as he’s willing to deal in a little black magic. Ambrosio says no, but then Matilda busts out her magic mirror (she has a magic mirror), and knowing that the one thing THE MONK can’t resist is boobs, she uses her magic mirror to show him Antonia’s boobs, and he’s immediately like YES OKAY I AGREE TO SERVE SATAN.
Downstairs they go to do spells with Satan, and Satan gives THE MONK a twig that will allow him to gain access to Antonia’s bedroom and have sex with her while she’s unconscious.
Oh, and Matilda is careful to specify that Antonia will know, when she wakes up, that she’s been raped, but she just won’t know who raped her. WHY THOUGH. WHY MAKE IT BE THIS WAY. You guys are jerks. Matilda also tells THE MONK that this is the absolute last thing Lucifer will do for him on Matilda’s behalf. If THE MONK wants further favors from the devil, he will have to make his own contract with him.
Hm. Wonder if that’s going to come to fruition.
(It is.)
(For sure.)
Although The Monk is gearing up for super icky rape, this section was still more interesting than the last one. I’m dreading the following chapters, which I have to assume are going to return, at some point, to Boring Agnes and Boring Lorenzo and Boring Alphonso. You know who I miss? I miss Christoval. Let’s get that guy back in here.