In one and the same week there have dropped a profile of Jonathan Franzen that was everything I wanted it to be and our VERY FIRST BONUS PODCAST EPISODE, made possible by our wonderful Patreon patrons. So, I mean, those are two things making me happy, even though there’s a lot that sucks about this week. And I hope those things can make you happy, too.
This time around, we’re discussing The Man from U.N.C.L.E., one of the greatest movies of our time and a top candidate for me to donate to a Kickstarter for a sequel to. You can listen to the podcast using the embedded player below, or download the file directly to take with you on the go!
There are no time signatures because we literally only talk about one thing this week, and it’s The Man from U.N.C.L.E. and everything we love about it. Please enjoy. Here is Henry Cavill’s face half in shadow.
Get at me on Twitter, email the podcast, and friend me (Gin Jenny) and Whiskey Jenny on Goodreads. If you like what we do, support us on Patreon. Or if you wish, you can find us on iTunes (and if you enjoy the podcast, give us a good rating! We appreciate it very very much).
Credits
Producer: Captain Hammer
Photo credit: The Illustrious Annalee
Theme song by: Jessie Barbour
Transcripts by: Sharon of Library Hungry
Transcript is available below the jump!
THEME SONG: You don’t judge a book by its cover. Page one’s not a much better view. And shortly you’re gonna discover the middle won’t mollify you. So whether whiskey’s your go-to or you’re like my gin-drinking friend, no matter what you are imbibing, you’ll be better off in the end reading the end.
GIN JENNY: Welcome to the Reading the End Bookcast with the demographically similar Jennys. I’m Gin Jenny.
WHISKEY JENNY: And I’m Whiskey Jenny.
GIN JENNY: And this is our very first special bonus episode made possible by our patrons on Patreon.
WHISKEY JENNY: Woo hoo! Thank you.
GIN JENNY: We are going to talk about one of our very favorite movies of all time, The Man from U.N.C.L.E..
WHISKEY JENNY: Yay!
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Well, Whiskey Jenny, where did you first hear of The Man from U.N.C.L.E.?
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, gosh.
GIN JENNY: Because I was an early adopter of this movie. [LAUGHTER]
WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, I think I saw it separately. I don’t know if you want to claim me as a convert, but I feel like I saw it separately and was like, gosh, that was a lot of fun. Unless you remember it differently.
GIN JENNY: No, I don’t remember it differently. That’s why I was curious, because I didn’t think that I had evangelized about this movie to you.
WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, you have, but we were co-evangelizing each other. It was like a choir preacher situation.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Yeah, that was just us attending church.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, exactly. I mean, I would say that you’re the—I love it, but I would say that deep down, you’re probably this stauncher fan of it than I am. Even though I do love it. I just don’t love it quite as much as you do.
GIN JENNY: I always question myself with my love for this movie, because I saw the trailer for it, and I was really excited about it. And I was all, all in based on the trailer. But I kind of didn’t actually expect it to be good, because you know how a lot of times movie trailers look really cool, like that one in The Holiday, but there’s not really much more to it than that.
WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about. I would love to see that movie in The Holiday.
GIN JENNY: Me too, but don’t you feel like it would be ultimately disappointing?
WHISKEY JENNY: No, I think it’d be really fun. I think it’d be a blast. [LAUGHTER] That’s what we want to go see it. [LAUGHTER]
GIN JENNY: Well, I expected this to be disappointing. And I went to see it at the Alamo Drafthouse. It was my first Alamo Drafthouse experience.
WHISKEY JENNY: Ooh.
GIN JENNY: Hot take, it’s too dark in those places. How can anyone see to eat?
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, I like those places.
GIN JENNY: It’s so dark. I just am always scared to order food because I am afraid I would spill it all over myself.
WHISKEY JENNY: I feel like they’re regular theater black, aren’t they?
GIN JENNY: I don’t know. Well, the one I went to in Austin was amazingly dark, and I was—
WHISKEY JENNY: OK, I haven’t been to that one.
GIN JENNY: Well, it was dark as hell. But the movie kept happening, and I kept being like, this is so good. I am enjoying this so much. So I think partly the warm glow of having been right about it based on the trailer is affecting my level of love for it.
WHISKEY JENNY: Aw. [LAUGHTER] It is really fun, though.
GIN JENNY: Oh my gosh, it’s so fun. So do you want to just get into it?
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, let’s go!
GIN JENNY: OK. Oh gosh, where to begin.
WHISKEY JENNY: Let’s see what my very first note is.
GIN JENNY: Is it that Henry Cavill is ridiculously good looking?
WHISKEY JENNY: So here’s the thing—yeah, let’s start here. [LAUGHTER] Oh, here’s my first note. I’m going to read it word for word.
GIN JENNY: OK.
WHISKEY JENNY: “Just ridiculously good looking people, all of them, [LAUGHTER] just absurd. And then they just swan around in their stylish clothes being stylish and awesome goddammit.”
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Listeners, I need you all to know, we did not coordinate on this.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: We really didn’t. [LAUGHTER] We audio footage of us just before this podcast slapdash tossing some things together for the podcast. It was not this. [LAUGHTER]
So here’s where I think we might disagree. I think that Henry Cavill is conventionally more attractive, but I think in this movie I’m way more into Armie Hammer’s character. Thoughts? [LAUGHTER] Responses?
GIN JENNY: It’s difficult for me to choose a side, because I’m so simultaneously in love with all these three actors and their characters.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah.
GIN JENNY: So I don’t think I have a favorite. I think that I’m so delighted by every moment with all of them.
WHISKEY JENNY: I honestly could do without—I like them all three together, but mostly I’m here for Illya, and then second of all I’m here for adorable, adorable Gaby.
GIN JENNY: Little chop shop girl.
WHISKEY JENNY: Adorable little chop shop girl teasing straight arrow Illya. Those are my main points in this movie. And I’m fine if Henry Cavill is also there making quips and stuff, [LAUGHTER] but he doesn’t have to be.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: So Henry Cavill plays professional thief turned CIA agent Napoleon Solo.
WHISKEY JENNY: Sort of force turned, in order to commute his sentence, because he gets captured.
GIN JENNY: Yes, yeah. And at the beginning of the movie, he’s extracting Gaby Teller, played by Alicia Vikander, a chop shop girl and mechanic in East Berlin, and as we find out, the daughter of Dr. Udo Teller, who is a Nazi scientist turned US collaborator.
WHISKEY JENNY: But he’s recently gone missing.
GIN JENNY: But he’s recently gone missing. And the CIA wants to find him because he knows how to build nuclear bombs, and they don’t want the East Germans to be able to do that.
WHISKEY JENNY: Or anyone that’s not them, really.
GIN JENNY: No, right, definitely. [LAUGHTER] I love this opening scene. I know you’re not really about Napoleon Solo.
WHISKEY JENNY: No, it’s great.
GIN JENNY: It’s so good. It’s so strong. Napoleon gets Gaby to drive the getaway car. And Illya is the KGB agent who comes after them. And it’s just perfect. It’s just such a great opening scene. She’s an amazing driver and she’s always doing all these trick driving things, and Napoleon’s in the back reading his map and telling her what to do next. It’s so good. It’s such a good opening scene.
WHISKEY JENNY: And Illya’s right behind them until the very end. Everyone is very competent at spycraft. It’s great.
GIN JENNY: Yes. Actually we get to the Illya—I liked this so much—a bunch of East Berlin cops—
WHISKEY JENNY: Yes!
GIN JENNY: —come and find him. And they’re like, what are you doing? You can’t be doing this. And he sees that Napoleon and Gaby are getting away, so he just takes down all four cops, or however many.
WHISKEY JENNY: He could be like, no, I’m KGB, I’m KGB, which he does. And they don’t believe him, and rather than standard keep trying to convince them, he’s like, all right, I’ll just beat you all up. [LAUGHTER] It’s faster [LAUGHTER] if I take on four of these people at once. That’s easier for me.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: There’s also such a good shot of Napoleon when he’s just shot out Illya’s tires, and he’s standing with his face half in shadow. And it’s like, OK, I get it. It’s not subtle, right? This movie is not—
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, yeah.
GIN JENNY: Subtlety is not its virtue.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: No, absolutely.
GIN JENNY: But it’s such a satisfying little competence shot, and it’s juxtaposed with Illya’s bosses telling him about Napoleon’s criminal career as a thief and how he came to be a CIA agent through state blackmail. Oh my gosh, it’s so, so good.
I was expecting—I think that they didn’t do this because they wanted it to be a surprise that Illya and Napoleon end up working together. But I wanted to have a similar shot of Illya with Napoleon being briefed on him.
WHISKEY JENNY: With Napoleon getting briefed on Illya.
GIN JENNY: Yes. That would have been fun.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, I guess because they want to have him be able to lay down all that information for us in the little fight cafe scene.
GIN JENNY: Right. And Gaby and Napoleon get away, and he puts on an apron and cooks her a risotto.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. It’s really cute.
GIN JENNY: It’s just the best meet cute of all time.
WHISKEY JENNY: She says it smells like feet.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: And Henry Cavill looks very delightful in an apron with his shirt sleeves rolled up. And Gaby is pissed off—throughout this entire movie, actually, Gaby is pissed off most of the time, which I appreciate.
WHISKEY JENNY: I also appreciate. Yeah. But she’s not sullen. She’s just angry, but also really fun.
GIN JENNY: Yes, she’s so fun. Oh, she’s so great. And I really like that they established her competence as a mechanic and driver really early on. Because I think it would be easy for her to be overshadowed by—
WHISKEY JENNY: Just to be the pretty girl to save all the time.
GIN JENNY: Right, but she’s not. She’s an equal teammate.
WHISKEY JENNY: Great job, movie.
GIN JENNY: I borrowed this movie from my dad, who loves it. I don’t own it, which seems crazy.
WHISKEY JENNY: It does seem crazy.
GIN JENNY: And he was looking at the back of the DVD, the description. And he handed it to me and he was like, what’s wrong with this description? So I looked at the DVD and it was like, at the height of the Cold War in the 1960s, CIA agent Napoleon Solo Henry Cavill and KGB agent Illya Kuryakin, Armie Hammer, have to team up to blah blah blah.
WHISKEY JENNY: What?
GIN JENNY: And I was—well OK, yeah, you picked it out immediately. I thought there was some historical thing wrong, and I was like uh huh, uh huh, so it must be something about the proxy conflicts in Africa and Latin America.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Where’s Gaby?
GIN JENNY: Where’s Gaby? Exactly. [LAUGHTER] But it’s true. It’s really a three person team, and they’re all really important in my opinion.
WHISKEY JENNY: Agreed. It’s great. No I don’t think the Henry Cavill is not important in terms of my feelings.
GIN JENNY: No, no. I was defending Gaby from—I don’t know, hostile forces.
WHISKEY JENNY: From the back of the movie. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Yeah, when I started watching this movie I was like, man, you know what? Guy Ritchie movies are really fun. Should I watch King Arthur? And was wondering if you had seen it.
GIN JENNY: I have not seen it. I do think Guy Ritchie movies are fun. So I wouldn’t say no to that. I mean, I’ve heard such terrible things about it, but Guy Ritchie movies are really fun. [LAUGHTER]
WHISKEY JENNY: I have a question. Is Armie Hammer actually a giant? Because this movie keeps talking about how giant Illya’s supposed to be.
GIN JENNY: He’s pretty tall.
WHISKEY JENNY: Is he?
GIN JENNY: Yeah, as I recall from The Social Network they make a lot of jokes about him being huge in that, as well.
WHISKEY JENNY: OK, really?
GIN JENNY: He is apparently—the internet thinks he is 6’5”.
WHISKEY JENNY: How tall is Henry Cavill?
GIN JENNY: I think he’s like 6’2”. That’s going to be my guess. I’m looking it up, but my registered prediction is 6’2”. 6’1”! I was so close.
WHISKEY JENNY: OK, cool. So that’s pretty tall, yeah. So they get away.
GIN JENNY: Right.
WHISKEY JENNY: And they’re basically at the cafe next, right? In the bathroom.
GIN JENNY: Yes.
WHISKEY JENNY: So then—I love this scene.
GIN JENNY: You do?
WHISKEY JENNY: Henry Cavill is having a meeting with his CIA boss in a public bathroom in—I don’t know where they are. Somewhere. Some town. And they’re chit chatting about work. And then Illya pops up, and Henry Cavill is like, holy shit, it’s Illya! And Illya’s like, holy shit, it’s Henry Cavill! [LAUGHTER] And they have the bosses fight in the bathroom and are, like, tearing down doors. And Illya obviously wins because he’s the physically superior one and is choking out Henry Cavill.
[LAUGHTER]And then Illya’s boss comes up and is like, Illya, stop it, in Russian and lets him go. And then they find out they have to work together!
GIN JENNY: Actually, I take it back, what I said earlier. This is actually the best meet cute of all time.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, this is the best meet cute of all time. It’s amazing. [LAUGHTER] It’s amazing. And you know what, I think the movie knows it. I think the movie really leans into all sorts of pairings, which is really nice of it as well.
GIN JENNY: Yes, I agree. And then we get some exposition, that Gaby’s father knows how to build a nuke, blah blah blah. And he has to do it for this company called Vinciguerra.
WHISKEY JENNY: [HEAVY ACCENT] Vinciguerra! [LAUGHTER]
GIN JENNY: Yeah, they always say it funny. [LAUGHTER] Which has Nazis. And so Illya and Napoleon have to go get Gaby’s father and his research and not let the Nazis get anything. So it’s a good setup.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, with Gaby, too. And then we get to hear about Illya’s background, which is that his father was sent to the gulag in Siberia. So he has a lot of anger issues.
GIN JENNY: And Napoleon—honestly, I know they’re both being mean to each other in this scene, but—
WHISKEY JENNY: He’s really mean about it!
GIN JENNY: He’s unacceptably mean.
WHISKEY JENNY: He’s really mean a lot to Illya. And I’m not sure that I appreciate it.
GIN JENNY: He makes fun of Illya for being a child when his father was sent to the gulag. And then he calls his mother a slut. It’s really not cool.
WHISKEY JENNY: Well—this may be too dark for this podcast or this movie. But I don’t know, is he implying that his mom is a slut, or if his mom got raped at lot. And either those is like, whoa.
GIN JENNY: Oh, god, either of those is horrible. I hope it’s the first one.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, so I was jut like, whoa, yeah, Napoleon.
GIN JENNY: I think, though, the point of the scene was that Illya won the physical battle and Napoleon won the—
WHISKEY JENNY: Right, battle of insults.
GIN JENNY: But I just think, it’s such low blows, and talking about Illya’s childhood that it just made me mad at Napoleon.
WHISKEY JENNY: I don’t like it at all. But it makes me really sad about Illya, too, and his poor sad childhood.
GIN JENNY: I know.
WHISKEY JENNY: And now he has a lot of anger issues.
GIN JENNY: But then we get the best scene in the whole movie, and my opinion.
WHISKEY JENNY: Is that when the spies get up to leave and then everyone else in the cafe also gets up to leave?
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Oh my god, I forgot about that!
WHISKEY JENNY: Because I love when that happens. [LAUGHTER] Everyone else in the cafe, it turns out, was also reading the newspaper in a trench coat. As soon as they leave, everyone gets up. [LAUGHTER] The Berlin cafe population was really—
GIN JENNY: All spies.
WHISKEY JENNY: —heavy. They kept those cafes in business.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: No, I was referring to the scene after that, where they all—
WHISKEY JENNY: You’re right, that is the actual—I think every scene, we’re like, you know, that is the actual best one. [LAUGHTER] You’re right. This is the actual best one. My notes are, “I don’t know what I did right in this world to deserve this scene where they’re arguing about fashion, but thank you, Jesus.”
GIN JENNY: I wrote, “God loves me and wants me to be happy, so they all go to a store and bicker over what clothes Gaby’s going to wear.” [LAUGHTER]
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh! Yay, podcast soul mates, but also, [LAUGHTER] it’s the best scene.
GIN JENNY: It’s got some exposition in it, which is that Gaby and Illya have to pretend to be engaged.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. Fake engagement! This movie has it all.
GIN JENNY: It really does. [LAUGHTER] And Napoleon is going to be an antiquities collector. And Illya is so persnickety about what Gaby’s going to wear.
WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, Illya’s persnickety, but then Napoleon like won’t let him just have it. Napoleon’s like, well, but that belt doesn’t go.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, he says it won’t match. And Illya says, [RUSSIAN ACCENT] “It doesn’t heff to metch.”
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: It doesn’t heff to metch!
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: I have used the GIF of him saying “It doesn’t heff to metch” like a million times.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, I love it so much!
GIN JENNY: Every time I’m putting on clothes and I’m not sure about a color combination, I’m like, no, Jenny. It doesn’t heff to metch.
WHISKEY JENNY: But I think it’s also helpful toward the character of Illya, because the movie doesn’t give him a lot of mental wins, and this is definitely a mental win for him. Because he’s right. When she dresses like that she blends in with everyone. So he’s right about it, which is really smart spycraft.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s amazing. And the outfit she eventually comes out in is astonishing.
WHISKEY JENNY: So cute.
GIN JENNY: She looks so good.
WHISKEY JENNY: She looks so good in every single frame of this movie, but her outfits are stunning.
GIN JENNY: They’re so good, and they give her really good sunglasses, too.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, so good.
GIN JENNY: Big, big sunglasses on her tiny little face. It’s amazing.
WHISKEY JENNY: So good. So then I think Henry Cavill checks into the hotel, maybe. And I missed it in the first times I watched this movie, but I think it’s Hugh Grant right in front of him.
GIN JENNY: Oh really?
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, there’s several—until we actually meet Hugh Grant, there’s a couple other—all right, maybe it’s just the one other one at the race. But I think he’s at the hotel, too. And I was like, oh, I never noticed that one before.
GIN JENNY: That seems very plausible.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. A little Easter egg for us—
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Dedicated viewers?
WHISKEY JENNY: UNCLEstans? [LAUGHTER] I don’t know what Man from UNCLE fans are called.
GIN JENNY: Oh my gosh, I’m going to have to think on that. I feel like we need a name. How are we going to get a sequel if we don’t have a team name?
WHISKEY JENNY: I know, right? Oh god, any news on that?
GIN JENNY: No. I really don’t think they’re going to make one. Armie Hammer, at least, is in. So if they ever do it, they’ve at least got him. And you know, I just don’t see why the other two actors wouldn’t want to be involved. It’s so charming.
WHISKEY JENNY: Right? It’s so fun!
GIN JENNY: Yeah. Well. And then there’s a really good Gaby and Illya scene, where they’re kind of out and about in Rome, which is where they’re meeting with Gaby’s uncle, who they think knows where the father is. So they’re in Rome, and Gaby and Illya are kind of out and about, and she makes him tell her all about the site that they are visiting, which featured Roman Holiday, but the name of which I do not know.
WHISKEY JENNY: I don’t either, but it’s a bunch of stairs.
GIN JENNY: And he’s telling her a whole spiel about the stairs, that she’s giving him such a hard time about it. And just every scene they’re in together is also additionally comical, because she is actually not tiny. She’s five foot six. But since he is a million feet tall, she always looks really tiny next to him.
WHISKEY JENNY: Maybe that’s why I was like, is he that big? Oh!
GIN JENNY: Yeah, she’s not small. She’s 5’6”.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh. Well that helps a lot with scale.
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: He is huge. Good lord. Because she looks teeny tiny. She looks teeny, teeny tiny.
GIN JENNY: I mean, she’s skinny, obviously, but she’s not short.
WHISKEY JENNY: Interesting. All right, good to know. This helps. This helps a lot. Yeah. Maybe it’s because he kept standing beside Henry Cavill, and I was like, I mean, he’s not that tall. [LAUGHTER] I also love the scene where they get mugged. I mean, I don’t like it, but it’s something they have to go through together, and they’re really good. They worked well together.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, Napoleon comes and tells them that some guys are about to try and mug them. And he’s like, so Illya, you’re supposed to be an architect, so just get mugged.
WHISKEY JENNY: Don’t kill them instantly [LAUGHTER] like the KGB agent you are.
GIN JENNY: Yeah. And he says take it like a pussy, which I did not appreciate. But anyway, they do get mugged. And this part’s so sad. Illya ends up having to give his father’s watch to the mugger.
WHISKEY JENNY: I know.
GIN JENNY: It’s horrible. And he’s obviously really upset about it.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s his father’s watch. He went to the gulag. It’s really important.
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: But then he does get to punch him.
GIN JENNY: But yes, he does get to punch him. And Harry Cavill’s like, oh, you shouldn’t have punched him. And Illya’s like, well, Russians would definitely punch him.
WHISKEY JENNY: A Russian would fight back. A KGB agent would have killed him. Which is like, oh, nice.
GIN JENNY: It’s great. It’s another good little team moment, in my opinion. For all three of them, but especially Gaby and Illya. I love her giving him a hard time.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, she gives him a hard time, and then she also has to sort of be like, I’m sorry, you have to give him this watch now and not kill him. And he doesn’t want to, but understands after talking to her.
GIN JENNY: It’s really sweet. But then an even better and sweeter scene occurs.
WHISKEY JENNY: God! Oh yeah! [LAUGHTER] Maybe this is my favorite one. This might be my favorite one.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: I was just going to say! It’s really hard to choose.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: So I assume you’re referring to them back at the hotel, and him trying to play chess.
GIN JENNY: He’s trying to play chess alone.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Yes, by himself. And she is in this adorable matching pajama set.
GIN JENNY: And she’s just drinking alcohol out of the bottle, liquor out of the bottle.
WHISKEY JENNY: Offers him some. She’s like, I’m going to finish this bottle either way, so some help would be nice. [LAUGHTER] And he’s like, no thank you. And then she turns on this really loud music and starts dancing in the background of him trying to play chess by himself. And it’s the order-iest muppetiest versus chaos-iest muppetest thing that has ever happened.
GIN JENNY: It’s also the first time in the movie—and the movie does this several times, which is one of the things I like about it. It uses one of my favorite types of sight gags, which is where there’s a still camera on a wide shot, and people are being ridiculous in the background of the shot and going back and forth.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s so great.
GIN JENNY: It’s so good.
WHISKEY JENNY: So she’s going back and forth and dancing, and he’s trying to play chess.
GIN JENNY: But he’s obviously kind of charmed by her, because, I mean, my god.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, it’s so cute. And then he gets up, and they start dancing together. She makes him dance with her, and it’s really cute. And then, I forget what he says, but for some reason—how does the exchange go?
GIN JENNY: She’s holding his wrists and having him dance, and then she hits him with his own hand a couple times. And he gets upset about it and he says something mildly threatening to her.
WHISKEY JENNY: What does he say?
GIN JENNY: I wasn’t wild about it. But, well, in any case, she tackles him.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Sorry, can I look up what he said?
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, this is my favorite thing. She’s like, oh, so what you mean is you’d rather wrestle than dance? And he’s like, wait, no, and she launches, tackles him. [LAUGHTER] Launches herself at him, and tackles him to the ground. It’s so good.
GIN JENNY: It’s so magical.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s so good. And then they wrestle for a while, and then almost kiss, and then she passes out.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, she passes out on top of him. And then he puts her to bed and says, [RUSSIAN ACCENT] goodnight little chop shop girl.
WHISKEY JENNY: [WHIMPER] Little chop shop girl. What does he say? Oh, it is gross. Sorry, you’re right, it is gross.
GIN JENNY: What does he say?
WHISKEY JENNY: He says, don’t make me put you over my knee.
GIN JENNY: Oh, yuck. That’s worse than I remembered. Obviously I blocked it out. All right, screenwriters.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s not great.
GIN JENNY: I’m going to pretend that didn’t happen, as I do with all the things I don’t like.
WHISKEY JENNY: Same. But it’s so good.
GIN JENNY: And really—you know, their relationship is really blossoming.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, it’s so sweet.
GIN JENNY: It really is. And then, in the next scene, she’s wearing—I mean, A, she’s wearing maybe the best outfit she wears in the whole movie, which is this amazing white coat and amazing white hat and such good sunglasses.
WHISKEY JENNY: I wrote, “Damn, she looks great hung over.”
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: She looks amazing. And Illya makes her pick a hand.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah! He’s being all playful now! He’s being the playful one! I was so excited. I was like, look, Illya’s making jokes. He makes her pick a hand? Why does he make her pick a hand, Gin Jenny?
GIN JENNY: He says, [RUSSIAN ACCENT] “Maybe I get you present.”
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: But what’s the present? What’s the present?
GIN JENNY: Yes, and the present is a pretend engagement ring to replace the one that they had to give away to the muggers.
WHISKEY JENNY: He got her another engagement ring. And she’s like, I can’t wear this, because they stole it. They’ll know that—and he’s like, no, no. Me as the architect would have gone out and got you one if we were really engaged. So here you go.
GIN JENNY: Yup.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh. Oh, my heart. [LAUGHTER] He calls her “my woman” a lot, which I don’t normally like, but when he says it, I’m like, aw.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: And so then they head off to this race event that Gaby’s uncle is at, and the Vinciguerras are at.
WHISKEY JENNY: [HEAVY ACCENT] The Vinciguerras!
GIN JENNY: The Vinciguerras!
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Yes, go on.
GIN JENNY: And Henry Cavill—I think this is probably not the most important element of the scene, but Henry Cavill does the trick where he pulls the tablecloth off the table without disturbing any of the items on the table.
WHISKEY JENNY: Do you know what I learned about that?
GIN JENNY: He did it for real?
WHISKEY JENNY: He did it for real!
GIN JENNY: He learned how to do it and did it for real. In every take, he did it correctly.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. That’s pretty cool.
GIN JENNY: It’s so cool. And Gaby fixes a race car, which is amazing.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, totally showing up the stupid Italian mechanics, who are like, oh, girl doesn’t know anything about cars.
GIN JENNY: But she DOES know everything about cars!
WHISKEY JENNY: Suck it, Italian mechanic. [LAUGHTER] And Illya gets to beat people up again, so he’s happy.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: And also, this leads to maybe my favorite line in the whole movie. I know I just said it was “it doesn’t have to match,” but—
WHISKEY JENNY: OK, I think I know what it is. OK, go.
GIN JENNY: Napoleon is talking to him afterwards, and he’s like, you put someone in the hospital. And Illya says, “He had soft bones.” [LAUGHTER]
WHISKEY JENNY: He had soft bones! [LAUGHTER] Oh, it’s such a great line.
GIN JENNY: It’s such a good line!
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s not his fault! He has soft bones.
GIN JENNY: [RUSSIAN ACCENT] He had soft bones.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, gosh. Yeah. I also think I really like when a really badass person does calm preparations before a fight, which is an extremely specific thing, but it happens, I guess, fairly often. And before this fight, these three—not youths, but—
GIN JENNY: But callow men.
WHISKEY JENNY: —are not letting Armie Hammer use the sink in the bathroom.
GIN JENNY: And he’s pretty upset, because Uncle Rudy, Gaby’s uncle, has just been a real jerk to him.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, god, said such gross things to him. He said—he called him a carthorse to Alicia Vikander’s racehorse.
GIN JENNY: Yeah. It’s really rude.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s really gross. So he’s already pissed, and asked politely twice if he could use the sink. And they’re like, uck, no. And then he just calmly goes over and closes the door, and they’re like, uhhh.
GIN JENNY: And takes off his—
WHISKEY JENNY: That’s right, takes off his camera.
GIN JENNY: Takes off his camera, which I really liked.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Like, oh shit! And then he breaks their bones, because they had soft bones. [LAUGHTER] Oh, gosh.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s really good.
WHISKEY JENNY: I also love a lot of the scenes when there’s a large crowd, because it makes it even more apparent just how good this movie looks, I think.
GIN JENNY: It looks really beautiful. We also meet the main villain, Victoria Vinciguerra, played by an actress for whom I have no regard at all.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh gosh, I really like her. But that may be because she was in The Night Manager adaptation.
GIN JENNY: That actually is one reason I haven’t seen it yet, because I really find her so boring. She’s like Tricia Helfer.
WHISKEY JENNY: Huh. I really like her, too.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Yeah, I just find her so boring. She’s like watching oatmeal cool.
WHISKEY JENNY: Wow.
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: Did you—wait, have you seen the Guardians of the Galaxy?
GIN JENNY: Yes. Is she in that?
WHISKEY JENNY: She’s in one of them, and she’s all gold.
GIN JENNY: Oh, yeah, I do kind of remember.
WHISKEY JENNY: Directing the army of—
GIN JENNY: Yeah, I don’t know. She just does nothing for me.
WHISKEY JENNY: Huh. This is fascinating.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, I don’t know. Well, maybe I would like her more if I saw her do more stuff. Because in this she’s kind of it one note.
WHISKEY JENNY: Pure evil.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Pure evil. Like, sexy pure evil.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, that is absolutely her one note. She’s wearing so much jewelry in that first scene.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, she’s wearing like five different necklaces and rings on every finger, basically.
WHISKEY JENNY: A bajillion bracelets. Henry Cavill steals some from her to prove that he’s a good thief or something. I don’t know what his deal was. It’s like flirt-stealing? I guess. I don’t know. And I was like, how did she even notice anything was gone? She’s wearing like seven necklaces!
GIN JENNY: Well she doesn’t, if you recall. He brings out the necklace he stole and she’s like, oh, one of my necklaces apparently is missing.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: OK, I guess that’s right. And then she notices her watch, too. Anyway, where were we?
GIN JENNY: Well, so then the actual best scene of the movie occurs.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Yes.
GIN JENNY: Which is Napoleon and Illya have to team up to break into—well they don’t even intend to team up. They both independently are trying to break into the Vinciguerra shipping yard, because they found traces of uranium, and so they think that the nuke might be there. And it’s great. It’s a really terrific team building exercise. This is, I think, the debut of their nicknames for each other.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, which are Cowboy and Peril, for Red Peril.
GIN JENNY: Oh, and also they agree to work together, and Napoleon literally says, “And we both forget about it in the morning.” Which, all right, movie.
WHISKEY JENNY: OK, they say that, and then I think I missed this also the first time I watched it. He says, right after the “we’ll forget about it on the morning line,” he says a top-bottom line. And I was like, whoa, movie! [LAUGHTER] Wow!
GIN JENNY: That’s right.
WHISKEY JENNY: Wow!
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: You know what, I think I almost wrote that down, and I was like, all right, Gin Jenny, don’t be prurient. And I was like, well, if Whiskey Jenny brings it up then we can discuss it, but it will not be me.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, you have to—I don’t know how I missed it the first time. But I just feel like we have to address it, because the movie addressed it, and I really appreciate that the movie addressed it. It gives you all kinds of pairings. It’s great.
GIN JENNY: I think the movie, like me, ships all three of them.
WHISKEY JENNY: Exactly.
GIN JENNY: It’s so good. And they also do a split screen camera style, which I’m so charmed by. I don’t know, it’s probably not deathless filmmaking, but I find it extremely charming.
WHISKEY JENNY: The split screens are pretty fun, because they end up feeling like a montage, mostly, and you know I love a montage.
GIN JENNY: I love montages. That’s probably what I like about it, too.
WHISKEY JENNY: And I also love the little joke, sometimes, that the split screen is like, aha, got you! Because—
GIN JENNY: Yeah, they’re actually in the same place.
WHISKEY JENNY: There’s actually a big black pole in the middle of the shot when it widens out, and it’s like, ha ha, it’s just one. [LAUGHTER] And I’m like, oh, you got me, split screen!
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s pretty good. Plus they’re bickering the whole time they’re doing this.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, they’re good at bickering.
GIN JENNY: They get to take turns doing things well and screwing up, which is also good.
WHISKEY JENNY: Well so here’s—I thought the movie was mostly fair between them, except at the end of this scene, Henry Cavill is the one who gets to eat cheese to Italian loves songs, and poor Armie Hammer almost drowns.
GIN JENNY: OK, true, but Napoleon also gets thrown off the—by the way, they escape on a boat. This is the best movie of all time.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, it is, yeah. Go on.
GIN JENNY: But Napoleon gets thrown off the boat.
WHISKEY JENNY: Well he should have held on more.
GIN JENNY: But I’m saying, so that’s a failure of his.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, right, I see. OK.
GIN JENNY: So I think it’s still OK.
WHISKEY JENNY: Great. OK, fine.
GIN JENNY: But yes, he gets thrown off the boat, and Illya continues to be pursued by the Vinciguerra thugs, I guess. And we get another one of those amazing still shots, a wide frame with chaos in the background.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, you’re right. This movie is really good at them.
GIN JENNY: Because Napoleon’s in the truck—someone’s truck that he just gets into, and eats a sandwich that isn’t his. And in the background of the shot, the Vinciguerra henchmen are trying to blow up Illya, and his boat sets on fire and sinks.
WHISKEY JENNY: Very funny. It’s a fun scene, yeah. It’s fun Italian pop, or a fun Italian love song, as he’s eating his cheese and wine int he truck.
GIN JENNY: Right, and Illya—yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: The boat is burning and sinking in the background.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Well, and the good thing is Napoleon eventually—
WHISKEY JENNY: That’s true. That is good.
GIN JENNY: —decides he’s going to go save Illya.
WHISKEY JENNY: Eventually.
GIN JENNY: Eventually.
WHISKEY JENNY: Mhm.
GIN JENNY: Well, once it becomes clear Illya cannot escape himself.
WHISKEY JENNY: Mhm.
GIN JENNY: He drives his truck into the water to rescue Illya, which is nice.
WHISKEY JENNY: And then they have to race back to the hotel before evil Elizabeth Debicki gets there and knows that it was them.
GIN JENNY: Right. Because she kind of suspects it’s them. She probably is like, hm, what thieves do I know and have met recently?
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, I just met one today. [LAUGHTER] She’s a smart cookie.
GIN JENNY: She’s not a fool. So she gets back to the hotel, and they beat her there just barely. And then she bangs Henry Cavill, which—if I were Henry Cavill, I would not care to have sex with Nazis.
WHISKEY JENNY: No, well, the movie does not address his feelings on it.
GIN JENNY: But I was uncomfortable with it.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, she’s super evil.
GIN JENNY: But then the following morning they have a meeting at the Vinciguerra—or Gaby has a meeting at the Vinciguerra estate. And she looks so good. Her getting ready for the meeting is also really sweet, because she looks—number one, she looks incredible. She’s got this white and orange dress with a big triangle cutout in the back. And Illya has to check the—what is he checking? Microphone?
WHISKEY JENNY: Tracker.
GIN JENNY: Tracker. He’s checking a tracker in her garter. He says, you’re shaking, and she says, it’s because I’m scared. And he says, it’s going to be OK. He says it so sincerely, it’s really sweet. He really obviously has come to care about her.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. You know, he says, it’s going to be OK, I’m going to be right behind you, or—
GIN JENNY: Yeah, I’m going to be right here.
WHISKEY JENNY: Gosh, they’re so cute together.
GIN JENNY: They’re adorable. OK, and then so when they do get to—when she does meet up with Uncle Rudy and they get to the Vinciguerra estate, there’s one of these weird little sequences—the movie has a couple of them—where it makes you do a little time loop.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah.
GIN JENNY: It shows some events, and you don’t really understand the significance of them, and then it does a little time loop to show you all the stuff that was happening. It’s a little weird. It’s a strange choice.
WHISKEY JENNY: This one I kind of like, because it sort of extends the reveal of what’s going on.
GIN JENNY: Sure, that’s fair.
WHISKEY JENNY: But there’s one later where I was like, yeah, we just saw that.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: It was really strange.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: It was very clear the first time.
GIN JENNY: But in this one, you see Gaby talking to her Uncle Rudy, and then it cuts to Illya listening to their conversation, and he just takes off running. And what we find out is that Gaby has told Uncle Rudy, the bad guy, that she’s there with the KGB and the CIA, and they’re listening to the conversation. So she appears to have sold them out.
WHISKEY JENNY: She does appear to have done that.
GIN JENNY: And Napoleon, meanwhile, is hanging out with the evil Victoria, Elizabeth Debicki. And she drugs his drink, but Illya gets away.
WHISKEY JENNY: In that scene, when she’s talking to Uncle Rudy, I just want to point out, Uncle Rudy peels a grape.
GIN JENNY: It’s weird, yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s so weird. And then they’re just all sitting there in silence, again for it feels like a full five minutes in movie time. They’re just all sitting there in silence watching Uncle Rudy peel a grape. It’s so weird.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Maybe that’s just how you roll when you’re around Uncle Rudy. You’re like, oh yeah, it’s grape peeling time. Everyone stop talking.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: You must be silent for grape peeling time. It’s so creepy!
GIN JENNY: It is. It really is.
WHISKEY JENNY: So then she drugs him, and Henry Cavill gets tortured by Uncle Rudy.
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: Like, a lot.
GIN JENNY: Yeah. I skipped this scene this time around.
WHISKEY JENNY: That’s a great idea, because also in that, we get a fun recap of Uncle Rudy’s torture background in World War II.
GIN JENNY: In the Holocaust.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, it spends a lot of time on his torture background. It’s a very strange choice.
GIN JENNY: It’s really strange. It’s completely, totally out of sync with the rest of the movie. And he talks about being a torturer in the Holocaust, and shows pictures of his victims, which is really upsetting.
WHISKEY JENNY: In his little scrapbook. It’s very, very horrible.
GIN JENNY: It really is. And it’s really weird and out of place in this movie. Also, I fast forwarded it, right? So I was at 3x speed. And this scene was interminable!
WHISKEY JENNY: It goes on for so long. We get a lot of his horrible torture backstory, and I don’t know why.
GIN JENNY: This is my main note about this movie. It’s perfect, except for this scene is so strange. I don’t mind him torturing Napoleon a bit, but he tortures him a lot, and then talks about the Holocaust a lot.
WHISKEY JENNY: A lot. Yeah. It’s very odd.
GIN JENNY: But then, luckily, Illya shows up and thank god.
WHISKEY JENNY: And then he dies a horrible death.
GIN JENNY: Well, I also liked it because Illya shows up, and before he decides what they’re going to do with Uncle Rudy, he says, you doing OK cowboy?
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah
GIN JENNY: So they’ve come to care for each other.
WHISKEY JENNY: They’re buddies now. They really are.
GIN JENNY: And then there’s a third one of this still shot that I enjoy.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, yeah.
GIN JENNY: Because they put the guy in the electrocution chair—they put Uncle Rudy in the electrocution chair that he’s been using to torture Napoleon, and they step outside to talk about him.
WHISKEY JENNY: To talk about what they should do with him. Should they turn him in or kill him now?
GIN JENNY: And as they’re having this conversation, in the background of their shot, the chair—it has a known glitch, the electricity does—and the chair sets on fire and kills him.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yep.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: It’s so good.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s pretty funny.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: And when they finally turn around and look, Napoleon says, damn, I left my jacket in there.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: It’s great. Yeah, it’s really great.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s majestic. [LAUGHTER] So they escape, and then another big reveal. Hugh Grant comes and gets them on the helicopter.
WHISKEY JENNY: And it’s Hugh Grant!
GIN JENNY: It’s Hugh Grant. He’s a spymaster, and he tells them that Gaby is an agent for the British.
WHISKEY JENNY: We do a second rewind of the scene that they already rewound—it’s a second rewind! Double rewind!
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s strange choice.
WHISKEY JENNY: So then we find out, she didn’t betray them. Or she sort of betrayed them, but she on purpose said it out loud into the ring, where she knew Illya would be listening, to give him time to get away. And she only said that because they were about to be blown anyway, and it was the only way she could stay in the game. And she’s back on the team!
JENNYS: Yay!
GIN JENNY: But also, a sad thing happens, which is that Illya and Napoleon each get on the phone with their respective bosses.
WHISKEY JENNY: [SAD] Yeah.
GIN JENNY: And they’re looking at each other while they’re having this conversation. And their bosses are basically like, Illya and Napoleon are both supposed to kill each other at the end of this plan. At the same time, roughly, the Vinciguerras—I just care about this less, but the Vinciguerras are using Gaby to make her father finish the nuclear weapon. And then, of course, Victoria, the evil villain, kills him. But yeah, then the joint team invades the island to rescue Gaby, so that’s great.
WHISKEY JENNY: Here’s the thing that I found really odd about the scene where they’re making the plan for how to invade that island and rescue Gaby. Hugh Grant says the random person we’ve never seen before and will never see again, he says his character name like five times in the briefing. It’s like, OK, so Jackleson here is going to leave the park. And then, OK, Jackleson, let me know if I get any of this wrong. So Jackleson, I think, and his men are going to—and it’s like, is a reference to something?
GIN JENNY: If it is, it was wasted on me.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Like, maybe it’s a reference to the original Man from UNCLE or something and I did not get it, but he says his name, like, a lot. And I was unsure sure why.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: They had kind of a long briefing scene on the plan to invade the island, which was odd, because they don’t really get a lot out of that invasion, in terms of logistics.
WHISKEY JENNY: Right. And then they go over the plan for so long, and then they just do a montage for the invasion. And then invasion, invasion, invasion.
GIN JENNY: I mean, there’s more split screens. I enjoy that. Napoleon and Illya have fetching Black Ops hats on, so that’s great.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, why are they wearing berets? This is not the uniform of their military.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: I don’t know. And it’s weird, because it’s all for nothing. Napoleon finds Illya’s father’s watch, so that’s good. But Victoria escapes with the warhead on her boat.
WHISKEY JENNY: Victoria escapes with the—well, but they get Gaby. They get Gaby. It’s not all for naught.
GIN JENNY: Yes, and then they get Gaby, yes, yes, yes.
WHISKEY JENNY: They get Gaby, in an intense car wreck scene.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, well no, so I was actually just referring to the invasion. Because then there is, indeed, a superb car chase scene.
WHISKEY JENNY: Sorry, I thought we were just breezing right past that, and I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa!
GIN JENNY: I was just talking about the invasion force, but yeah, then one of the bad guys takes Gaby and tries to escape on an all terrain vehicle. It’s weird that I didn’t just say ATV.
WHISKEY JENNY: I don’t think it’s that weird. It’s weird that you just said one of the bad guys and not Elizabeth Debicki’s husband.
GIN JENNY: Yes, I forgot that was him. I forgot he was her husband. So anyway, he runs away with Gaby on this ATV, and Napoleon hops on another ATV, and Illya hops on a motorcycle, and they both chase after them. And Illya does one of my favorite action movie things, which is where he uses his rifle scope as a telescope to see what’s going on. I really enjoy that.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, really?
GIN JENNY: It’s just practical. It’s just that whenever it comes up, I’m excited about it.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, way to use what you got. It’s a great chase scene, too, because—well, not just because, but it’s a very well-soundtracked chase scene.
GIN JENNY: Yes! It has exciting music.
WHISKEY JENNY: And it’s a three part chase scene. And people are using different tactics, because they have different vehicles. And it’s cool.
GIN JENNY: It’s really cool. And there’s a lot of zoom out so you get a sense of where they all are, and then it zooms back in on one of them.
WHISKEY JENNY: Totally.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, it’s a lot of fun. It’s a really good chase scene. And it ultimately works.
WHISKEY JENNY: The bad guy dies. Question, though. Gaby was originally being used to make her father finish the nuclear warhead. Why does he still need her? Why does he kidnap her?
GIN JENNY: Maybe he wants her for dark purposes.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, do we think that’s what it is? OK.
GIN JENNY: No, I really don’t know. I just said that, but I really don’t know.
WHISKEY JENNY: I mean, he does hit on her earlier.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, well that’s what I was thinking of, yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: I was also not sure, but I was like, man, this movie’s a little rapier than I was expecting.
GIN JENNY: Well also, maybe a less terrible possibility is that maybe he’s thinking he can use her as leverage against the agents.
WHISKEY JENNY: Right, sure. OK. But then he dies. Yay!
GIN JENNY: So much for that guy.
WHISKEY JENNY: And they save Gaby. And Illya has a really great—well, everyone does great work in this scene, except Gaby is tied up so she can’t really help. But it’s not hear fault. But Illya basically lifts a car up himself when he sees that they’re in trouble, so he can go help them.
GIN JENNY: Yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: Way to go, Illya.
GIN JENNY: And then they all get on a pursuit boat to pursue the boat with a nuclear warhead.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yep.
GIN JENNY: And then there’s the really strange time jump loop situation.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. So in this one, it’s weird because it doesn’t—
GIN JENNY: It doesn’t really reveal new information.
WHISKEY JENNY: Well, it reveals new information at the end. So it recaps—it just tells you the lines again that you already just heard. It’s like a scene after, it’s like, so here’s what just happened. Except it’s just recounting the lines that you just heard. And then at the very end adding new information.
GIN JENNY: It’s so strange.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s very strange. I don’t know why they did it here. This is the one where I’m like, OK, we didn’t need that.
GIN JENNY: Yeah. But they’re able to blow up the boat with the nuke. Which I was kind of like, can you blow up a nuke in open water and everything’s fine? Is that how nukes work?
WHISKEY JENNY: I think they said something about, they in passing were like, and it won’t detonate the nuke, so don’t ask us any questions about that any more. OK, thanks, bye.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Oh, OK, cool. That makes me feel better, actually.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. They do say, and it won’t blow up the nuke. Anyway.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: It’s so unimportant that I did not even register it.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: Anyway, aren’t these great sunglasses?
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: So yeah, and then they’re victorious.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yay!
GIN JENNY: Which lets Gaby and Illya have a really nice moment back at their hotel, where she apologizes for being a spy and telling him lies, and he’s really nice about it. He’s really cool about it.
WHISKEY JENNY: He is. He says, I would’ve done the exact same thing. And she tries to give his ring back.
GIN JENNY: And he won’t take it.
WHISKEY JENNY: He won’t take it, and he says, so I can always find you. Because it’s got a listener and a tracker, and it’s really sweet. And they almost kiss again!
GIN JENNY: They almost kiss again.
WHISKEY JENNY: They never actually kiss. I’m so annoyed.
GIN JENNY: I know! Nobody kisses in this movie! And it’s a movie in which everyone should always be kissing.
WHISKEY JENNY: It’s the slowest of burns that never has a release.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: So it’s really a shame. I mean, I know that my position on Twitter has been clear, but I really support all three of them kissing each other all the time.
WHISKEY JENNY: More kissing!
GIN JENNY: That was disappointing, I admit.
WHISKEY JENNY: Mostly Illya and Gaby, please.
GIN JENNY: And there’s two times—maybe three times, where they’re—yeah, there’s three times that they’re pretty close to kissing and then something happens to prevent them from kissing.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yes, very annoying.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, I oppose it. But then Illya’s boss tells him OK, go kill Napoleon now.
WHISKEY JENNY: We gotta get the thing.
GIN JENNY: And Napoleon has a disk. It doesn’t matter, but Napoleon has a disk of information. Who cares.
WHISKEY JENNY: He’s got a Macguffin, so he had to go get the Macguffin and kill him for it.
GIN JENNY: Yeah. And Illya is so upset about this order he tears up his hotel room. It’s really nice.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. He goes on a rage. Yeah. [LAUGHTER] Every time I’m like, and then he does something incredibly violent, and it’s so sweet! What a dear! [LAUGHTER] But yet somehow, this movie pulls it off.
GIN JENNY: And then it leads to another, one of the best scenes in the movie. I’m sorry to keep saying this, but it’s a really good movie and there’s a lot of highs. But he goes to Napoleon’s hotel room.
WHISKEY JENNY: Because Napoleon already invited them for post-mission drinks, which I think is really cute.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Post-mission drinks! And Napoleon’s in his room, he’s happy as a chipmunk. He’s like—
WHISKEY JENNY: Packing my clothes.
GIN JENNY: Da di da di da. And it’s a very tense scene, because it’s clear Napoleon expects Illya to kill him.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, he figures out that that’s why Illya’s there, and then Illya knows that Napoleon knows. Very tense!
GIN JENNY: But then at the last second, he tosses Illya his father’s watch.
WHISKEY JENNY: You think he’s going to shoot him, but he tosses him the watch that he got from the joint mission.
GIN JENNY: Because they’re soul mates and life partners, and they should all three do missions together forever.
WHISKEY JENNY: Forever! And Illya’s so touched. And then they just decide to burn the Macguffin. They just burn it!
GIN JENNY: They just set fire to the Macguffin.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yay!
GIN JENNY: And have a drink on the terrace.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yay! And then Hugh Grant and Gaby show up, and he’s like, oh great, we’re all doing missions together forever. We’re UNCLE now, and we have to go to Istanbul for our next mission.
GIN JENNY: And then, in a viciously cruel twist, there’s no sequel.
WHISKEY JENNY: And then there’s no sequel! [LAUGHTER] That’s the second of two flaws of this movie.
GIN JENNY: You know what’s really sad about this in particular, Whiskey Jenny? It’s that a sequel would have to start with one of those amazing set up sequences to show how good they are at their job. So they’d have to be doing a successful mission, all three together.
WHISKEY JENNY: Man, it would be great.
GIN JENNY: Right? And they would all really trust each other by then, and they would know each other’s areas of competence.
WHISKEY JENNY: There’d be so much more banter.
GIN JENNY: There’d be tons of banter on coms, or whatever they had back in the day.
WHISKEY JENNY: They have coms, I think. They have coms.
GIN JENNY: Right? They have coms. OK, yeah.
WHISKEY JENNY: They have trackers, and they have listening devices.
GIN JENNY: Yeah, so they basically have coms.
WHISKEY JENNY: And the sequel will probably have to have kissing.
GIN JENNY: It would definitely have kissing. And all of that is just going to have to live in our imaginations, because as of now there appear to be no plans to make a Man from UNCLE sequel. Although, I mean, if they did, I would watch it twice on opening weekend.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. We would give them money.
GIN JENNY: And I never go see movies.
WHISKEY JENNY: I would Kickstart this.
GIN JENNY: Oh my gosh, me too. I think probably these people are too big of movie stars to be Kickstarted.
WHISKEY JENNY: I think you’re right, but it’s a damn shame.
GIN JENNY: I mean, all in all, a really, really, really positive movie rewatching experience.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah. I had a great time.
GIN JENNY: I really, really did.
WHISKEY JENNY: I just want to to quote one of my—it’s actually not my favorite review of the movie. It mentions a lot of things that I’m like, I disagree. But it has one of my favorite lines about this movie. Or it has two lines.
GIN JENNY: I know what this is going to be.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: I’ll do the one that you don’t know first, which is that “this movie’s attitude toward information is, whatever, let’s go to Italy.” Which is accurate. [LAUGHTER] And then the other line that I quote about this movie a lot—
GIN JENNY: Me, too.
WHISKEY JENNY: —is that, “Richie has gotten everyone to agree not to take any of this seriously, including the person responsible for keeping an eye on Hammer’s Russian accent.” [LAUGHTER] And that’s from Wesley Morris’s review of this movie in Grantland. And I just want to say, his accent is not that bad.
GIN JENNY: It’s not.
WHISKEY JENNY: Hearing that line, you think it’s going to be atrocious. It’s not that bad. Henry Cavill’s American accent slips sometimes, too.
GIN JENNY: But also—I mean, and this is not a criticism, because I love Boris and Natasha.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh yeah, sure. It’s a very Boris and Natasha accent, absolutely.
GIN JENNY: Like, he might have watched Rocky and Bullwinkle for research purposes before doing this movie. I say that with affection.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, he might have. But yeah, it could be worse.
GIN JENNY: Oh, it definitely could be worse. Again, I find Boris and Natasha perennially hilarious.
WHISKEY JENNY: I think also, because the movie is nodding towards that era, as well, it’s sort of a funny reference for him to have that accent.
GIN JENNY: I like it, too. I’m about it. I’m not mad about it at all.
WHISKEY JENNY: Any final thoughts on it?
GIN JENNY: I want there to be a sequel. I want everyone to kiss. And I want no Nazi torture.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yay! Me too.
GIN JENNY: And I don’t think that’s a lot to ask.
WHISKEY JENNY: I don’t think it is, either.
GIN JENNY: Except for the sequel. That would probably be quite expensive and involve a lot of time.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yeah, that’s a lot to ask. Millions of dollars a lot of people’s lives for several months. [LAUGHTER] But other than that, I think our expectations are pretty low.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: Oh my gosh. Well, I’m really glad that we did this recap.
WHISKEY JENNY: Me, too. What a great bonus episode.
GIN JENNY: I mean, I don’t know how the listeners feel, but I feel very positive about this.
WHISKEY JENNY: I loved watching the movie again. I loved talking about it.
GIN JENNY: I love how we had all the same reactions. I guess that’s partly because we’ve talked about this movie a certain amount in our private lives.
WHISKEY JENNY: A non-zero amount.
GIN JENNY: And thank you to our patrons for making this possible.
WHISKEY JENNY: Yes, thank you very much! And until next time, a toast from The Man from U.N.C.L.E..
GIN JENNY: “I absolutely hated working with you, Peril.”
WHISKEY JENNY: [RUSSIAN ACCENT] You’re a terrible spy, Cowboy.”
GIN JENNY: I love it! It’s so good!
WHISKEY JENNY: Clink.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: And they do, in fact, probably clink their glasses.
WHISKEY JENNY: I bet they do. Yeah, see? Totally.
[GLASSES CLINKING]THEME SONG: You don’t judge a book by its cover. Page one’s not a much better view. And shortly you’re gonna discover the middle won’t mollify you. So whether whiskey’s your go-to or you’re like my gin-drinking friend, no matter what you are imbibing, you’ll be better off in the end reading the end.
[BEEP]WHISKEY JENNY: Is there a nice toast in this movie?
GIN JENNY: You would think, right?
WHISKEY JENNY: Well, he says “I’ve hated working with you.” And then the other guy responds, “You’re a terrible spy, Cowboy.” Doesn’t he? Let’s get the right wording. You’re a terrible spy, Cowboy. OK, OK, who do you want to be?
GIN JENNY: Oh my gosh, I can’t choose. You choose.
WHISKEY JENNY: Can I be Peril?
GIN JENNY: Yes, you can be Peril. Are you going to do it in a Russian accent?
WHISKEY JENNY: Of course.
GIN JENNY: OK, thank god.
[LAUGHTER] [BEEP]GIN JENNY: —starring Alicia Vikander, Armie Hammer, and—Henry Cavill? Stephen Cavill? What’s his name?
WHISKEY JENNY: What? This is unbelievable. It’s Henry! It’s Henry!
GIN JENNY: OK, let me tell you—
WHISKEY JENNY: You just said it’s one of your favorite movies of all time!
GIN JENNY: Let me tell you what happened. I have to defend myself slightly. The first movie I ever saw—dammit.
WHISKEY JENNY: Ever?
GIN JENNY: Henry Cavill in.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, I thought, man, we’re going way back.
[LAUGHTER]GIN JENNY: The year, 1989. [LAUGHTER] No, the first movie I ever saw Henry Cavill in was I Capture the Castle, and he plays a guy named Stephen, and I didn’t know who he was at the time. So that’s what happened. I swear to God, this is one of my favorite movies and I do know his name.
[LAUGHTER]WHISKEY JENNY: No, I know. I believe you.
[LAUGHTER] [BEEP]GIN JENNY: Hang on, there’s someone at my door.
[DISTANT SINGING] Na na na na na!WHISKEY JENNY: Hey!
GIN JENNY: Hey, I’m so sorry.
WHISKEY JENNY: No, you’re fine. Is everything OK?
GIN JENNY: Yeah, the lady needed me to move my car.
WHISKEY JENNY: Oh, OK.
GIN JENNY: The first time I looked out the peephole I couldn’t see anyone, and I was like, oh my god, there’s no one here, what if it’s a murderer? And I was thinking, it’d be really traumatic for you if I got murdered while you were still on an open Skype call with me.
WHISKEY JENNY: And to be honest, that is why I did not go get some wine yet. Because I was like, what if something happens and I have to call 911? So I’m going to go get some more wine now. [BEEP]