Skip to content

The Glynalong Can Leave George Eliot Out of It

Three Weeks

Wow, you guys, it’s a new week of Elinor Glyn, and the revolver from Dmitry has already made its second appearance. So much sooner than I had expected! The idyll (???) that Paul and the lady are living in faces its first obstacle when she finds the revolver on Paul’s person. She divines that Dmitry would only have handed it over to Paul if there had been IMMINENT DANGER, which in turn means that she and Paul have to get out of dodge. Paul finds this extremely sexy and has no follow-up questions.

gif of a man singing "Super weird, you're super weird"

She decides to go to a secondary location and bring Paul along with her. Hot tip: You are not supposed to go to secondary locations with suspicious people.

gif of John Mulaney screaming STREET SMARTS

I can’t be bothered remembering what the second location is. She’s like on a boat or something and then they go to Venice. Their relationship is so stupid. I know I said I was glad the genders were different than normal, and I AM and it’s nice to see a lady in control of a dude, but she really is jerking him around constantly and saying things that are completely disconnected from reality. Here’s one of the many, many things she says to him, because old-time sexual mores (like now-time sexual mores) are super healthy and fine and not-rapey.

You see, Paul, a man can always keep a woman loving him if he kiss her enough, and make her feel that there is no use struggling because he is too strong to resist. A woman will stand almost anything from a passionate lover. He may beat her and pain her soft flesh; he may shut her up and deprive her of all other friends—while the motive is raging love and interest in herself on his part, it only makes her love him the more.

Man, I hope this lady and Paul end up falling into a Venetian canal and drowning or getting beaten to death with some gondolier’s oars. Paul can’t use his Dmitry revolver if all the ammunition is dicked up from being in dirty Venice canal water.

Sidenote: She greets him in a purple dress with an emerald-green scarf and earrings. Is that….a color combination people are doing? Is she celebrating Mardi Gras? WHAT IS HAPPENING? And they do go out in a gondola but instead of falling into the canals, they get FOLLOWED. Yr correspondent sqeaked aloud with joy. Unforch it seems like they’re being followed by an additional security team belonging to the lady, and she’s mad that they thought she needed the extra security. Though based on the information available to us, it does seem like she is wed to a power-mad royal intent on tracking her down and destroying any other person she might be banging.

(I am sure Paul is going to survive this book. However, for the record, I’m okay if he dies.)

The lady also uses the n-word. It’s disgusting.

gif of a man saying "That's racist"

There are a lot more passionate declarations, and ominous reminders that Paul has promised not to ask any questions. Paul. That is a terrible promise to make someone. You must see that this is not a relationship of equals.

Oh my God, and, AND, the lady tells him that she’s basically using him to get pregnant so that she can give a son to be heir to whatever throne she is involved with. If I were Paul, I would be like HELL NO and peace right on out of there, or at LEAST I would maintain sole custody of the condoms to make sure there was no funny business happening. Instead he’s just like, oh cool, I could have a son who is the king one day. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, PAUL??? She has already HEAVILY implied that her husband is a monster. You want your kid to be raised by a monster? Is that what you want? Is it?

Plus, PLUS, she sits there and she slags off George Eliot. What the hell, Paul’s love interest? Number one, nobody asked you! And b of all, who died and made you Michiko Kakutani? Nobody gives a damn what you think of the life and writings of George Eliot.

a woman saying

That’s about it for this section. We observe many more intimations of danger than actual danger. My hope for section four of this readalong is that somebody gets shot or stabbed. Oh, or that Isabella shows up in Venice to have a fabulous time and maybe make time with one of the hit men who must be on the trail of Paul and the lady.