THAT IS A GREAT PLAN. It is my plan too. Mixed results for me as well.

That’s a really good point — having the conversation in chunks is better, probably. But I think one thing Atul Gawande wants to point out is that if these conversations are made less scary and taboo, we’ll tend to have smaller versions of them sooner, rather than putting it off until it’s necessary to have really extensive versions.

(We’re the choir too.)

It sounds really hard. I’m sorry you and your mother are dealing with such a difficult time. It’s hard in particular to know what the right thing to do is — sometimes the decision that seems up front like the right one can be utterly, woefully wrong; and you never know which it’s going to be until you’re already neck-deep in it. (I’m not speaking about you, of course! Just reflecting on some decisions various family members of mine have made about their and their relatives’ care.)

Yes, yes! I think there are a lot of ways politicians could derail any kind of policy that would tend to promote these conversations, using exactly that kind of rhetoric. And it’s a shame when the research already shows how well it works.

Boy, that’s what you always hope for. I wish it were possible that every death could happen so well.

I think your theory is most exactly correct. I am lucky to have a strong relationship with my parents AND a relationship in which we have lots of conversations about topics that I know many people shy away from. I don’t take that for granted; it is very, very lucky and I am very grateful about it.

Absolutely. I think it’s something we’re resisting confronting, individually AND as a nation, but it’s going to have to be done.