The #HamAlong Is Never Gon’ Be President Now

Poor old George Washington! With his strongest and cleverest ally gone from the cabinet, this section of the readalong finds him struggling to find competent people to fill political posts, while the southern motherfucking democratic republicans roundly abuse him all over the press. He keeps writing pitiful letters to Hamilton to be like

And in actually the nicest gesture I have so far encountered in this readalong, Washington sends Eliza and Alexander a supportive gift during the Reynolds Pamphlet hullabaloo, with a note that says this:

I pray you to present my best wishes, in which Mrs. Washington joins me, to Mrs. Hamilton and the family, and that you would be persuaded that with every sentiment of the highest regard, I remain your sincere friend and affectionate honorable servant.

Washington.

Speaking of that, it’s time to ask: Which Founding Father Is Being the Worst This Week? And, I mean, it’s a tough call. Nobody comes off looking good this week. Hamilton’s all over the g.d. place; he and Jefferson are both engaging in shady duplicitous dealings with various foreign ambassadors and keeping it secret from the President; Madison’s too chickenshit to travel overseas;¹ Adams is writing racist, xenophobic letters about Hamilton all the live-long day; and Monroe just, like, continues to be Monroe.

Regrettably, it’s Reynolds Pamphlet time. In response to a revival of the charge that he was involved in improper speculation while in government office, Hamilton wrote a long and detailed account of his extramarital affair, hoping — I guess? — that everybody would thereafter never again suspect him of financial dishonesty.

It’s like in The Vampire Diaries when Elena finds a trail of blood on the stairs of her house when she gets home, but she still goes upstairs to see what’s up. Hamilton. You know what life you’re living in, at this point. Do not dick up Eliza’s world to prove that you are innocent of something that you should know by now the Republicans will never ever ever stop accusing you of.

Whatever Eliza’s private thoughts about all this, she seems to have remained staggeringly loyal to Hamilton. And Monroe became her permanent, lifetime enemy, which given what a turd he was throughout this section and last week’s section, I have to say I support. If Eliza were a dude, I bet she’d’ve challenged Monroe to a duel. I bet she’d’ve won too. Monroe sounds like a drip. He sounds like the contestant on The Bachelor who, like, goes to tattle to the Bachelor about one of the other girls not being there for The Right Reasons, and then gets sent home immediately because nobody likes a tattletale.

Hamilton Burn Ward: Unexpectedly, this week’s harshest burn comes from…. Ron Chernow! He refers to Hamilton’s expansionist ambitions as “one of the most flagrant instances of poor judgment in Hamilton’s career.” Ron Chernow, are things okay between you and Alexander Hamilton? Do y’all need to maybe see a couples counselor, or…?

Thanks to Alice for hosting! We are in the home stretch now!!