Oh, the diner episode. Oh, the apprehension I felt about this episode. In the comic it is extremely nasty, not least because all the characters John Dee kills at the diner are extremely nasty themselves—which feels very suitable to the time it was written. In 2022, for whatever combination of reasons, it no longer feels transgressive for everyone to be awful people hiding loathsome secrets. Many of the plot points are ported over directly from the comic, but they feel different here, perhaps because the episode pushes back hard against John Dee’s claim that he’s making a more honest world by forcing everyone to tell all their coldest truths all the time.
Our cast of characters includes Bambi-eyed lesbian Judy, waitress/writer Bette, a CEO and her trophy husband, a line cook (survived COVID only to perish at the hands of a megalomaniac!), and a young guy who’s hoping to get hired at the pharmaceutical company run by, coincidentally, the same CEO that’s just sat down for a meal. Judy hit her girlfriend in a recent argument. The trophy husband is cheating on the CEO. The CEO belittles and controls him.
I really, really did not expect to enjoy this episode, but it’s my second favorite so far (after “Dream a Little Dream of Me”). The comic was telling a story about the evil that lurks in the hearts of men, and that wasn’t something I found interesting or surprising even at age eighteen when I first read Sandman. Now, many years and one attempted coup later, I just don’t need to be told that everyone’s fundamentally bad. Luckily, the show isn’t trying to tell me that. It’s telling a story that’s more complicated and more true, that we all have good and bad within ourselves, we all choose to tell certain truths and certain lies, and the selves we curate with those choices are our authentic selves. John Dee isn’t revealing these people’s inner truths. He’s just changing how they curate.
It starts small, when Bette calls John “handsome.” Does she really think he’s handsome, John asks, cradling the ruby. No, says Bette. She just wanted him to like her. “I do like you,” John says, Dutch-angled-ly. Isn’t it better to be able to say what we actually think? I know the answer to this one! It is not! We think a lot of things, and the nice things we think aren’t faker than the mean things! I mean, sometimes they are, and that is why it’s a relief to go to New York City sometimes; but sometimes they’re not, and that’s why it’s a relief to come back home to the South sometimes. The world is a rich tapestry, and only rarely does it require us to stab someone in the neck with a diner utensil.
The CEO and the trophy husband snipe at each other. She thinks he’s cheating (he’s cheating). He thinks she undermines him (she undermines him). Mark, the guy waiting for his corporate interview, tells Judy to stop texting because her girlfriend doesn’t want to hear from her. (PLAID WATCH, Judy is wearing plaid.) Furious, Judy gets up to storm out, but she finds that she can’t leave. Nobody can leave. We’re in the end game now.
Under the influence of the amulet, Judy tells John everything. John is like the creepiest horror movie shrink ever, assuring Judy that nobody is judging her. Judy says that everyone’s judging her for being gay, and John shares that Bette told Marsh Judy’s girlfriend isn’t good enough for her. This doesn’t bode well for the vibe inside the diner! Thunder rumbles outside. Night falls. Bette goes into the back to hit on Marsh, the line cook, while he’s cleaning the grill. (PLAID WATCH, Marsh is wearing plaid.) Marsh tells her that he’s fucking her son, and Bette throws some utensils on the floor and storms out. I really thought she was going to stab him with one of those utensils, but I guess that’s coming.
Next, everyone fucks. Mark begs the CEO to top him. Marsh makes the trophy husband a burger in bisexual lighting. Judy waits for Bette to come out of the bathroom (sexual). David Thewlis looks very, very tired as he extracts a large tub of ice cream from the freezer.
For the third act, John tells the diner inhabitants that they enjoy their suffering, and that’s their truth. The truth, he says like a cult leader, is a cleansing fire. Bette burns her book manuscript. Mark hammers a nail into his hand, and Marsh meat-cleavers off his own fingers. Judy slits her wrists, and the CEO cuts her throat. Tearfully, Bette asks how this is a better world, and John tells her to embrace the darkness, which we all already know means that she’s going to skewer her eyes. I sensibly looked away, and I advise you to do the same.
After a quick prophecy from the Fates (the Fates are still very very cool), Dream stomps into the diner in his shitkicker boots, and he is not happy. Not a particular fan of humanity himself, Dream still tells John that people in the diner started their day in a reality that was founded in dreams, not lies, and all John did was to rob them of their hopes. The two of them head into a dream to duke it out, and although it’s quite spooky for John to be chasing after the elusive caped figure of his mother in Roderick Burgess’s old house (I’m thrilled to see Niamh Walsh again; she continues to make the most of very small moments as young Ethel), he eventually figures out that he’s in a dream. He sets the ruins of the Dreaming on fire and uses the ruby to suck more of Dream’s power away. Then he destroys the ruby.
Bad luck, John! All the power in the ruby reverts to Dream when it gets destroyed! Dream puts him back in Arkham Asylum, where I have to assume he’s not going to be hugely popular, right? Given that he splatted at least three guards that we know of, like, a week ago? And I’m kind of annoyed that this mass murderer gets to live while Dream mercy-killed Rachel two episodes ago. Whatever, I guess. As Dream strolls away all smug, we zoom in on a tres glamorous person in a white suit, who smiles their red-lipstick lips and says, “I’m watching you… big brother.” Dun dun DUNNNNNNNN. Mason Alexander Park has the perfect look for this character, and I’m excited to see more of them.
Number of things Dream cares about in this episode, other than his duty: Correctly, none!
Does Dream do a sulk? Honestly, Dream is the nicest version of himself when, as now, he has a mission that you and I want him to succeed at. Not one scrap of a sulk in this episode. He’s actually pretty nice at the end (because, again, of duty).
Fuckboy energy: 0/10. John Dee is so terrible and creepy that Dream doesn’t even register on the scale. Don’t worry, though! He’s going to be such a fuckboy next episode! (I assume.)