I almost missed RIP once again this year! I always have the best of intentions about participating in R.I.P., but then I forget to read scary books, or I do read scary books but I forget to call them RIP reads or schedule them while RIP is running. Not this year! This year, I have squeaked one in under the wire! Horrorstör was acquired with the express intention of qualifying for Carl’s wondrous R.I.P. Challenge (now in its ninth year).

Amy works at Orsk, an IKEA-like furniture and household goods store, under the supervision of an unbearably earnest and patronizing store leader called Basil, who talks like he swallowed the Orsk founder’s autobiography. When he asks her to stay overnight at the store to track down the person who’s been breaking in and vandalizing it, she can’t say no without risking her possibility of a promotion. But the overnight shift turns horrific as she, Basil, and three other employees come to realize that the store is occupied by creatures much worse than they’ve imagined.

Alice told me about this book, and she also said that it got too scary for her to read at night. I disregarded this because she is a noted fraidy-cat, but y’all, for real, Horrorstör is legitimately kinda frightening. When you have a book as gimmicky as this one–each chapter begins with an image of an IKEAish product with a pseudo-Nordic name and a catalog description–it would be easy to let the gimmick carry itself. We are all a little afraid of IKEA stores and the way they enmesh you in their coils; not much more is required there. But although Hendrix hasn’t chosen a particularly original origin for his haunting (crazed religious leader, nineteen-hundreds prison that was really a torture chamber), he’s got plenty of horrible, particular details to scare the heck out of you.

As others have noted, the characters are a little cookie-cutter, and the dialogue not particularly inspired. It didn’t bother me. Haunted-house stories aren’t really about the characters. They’re about the scares, and Horrorstör has plenty of that on offer.

Before I end this, a digression: You know how sometimes you’ll be watching a horror movie, and the people will be doing something super normal, except that because you know they’re in a horror movie, you also know the thing they’re doing is crazy and will lead to their demise? And you’re like, No, no, don’t waste time looking for the dog! Of course the dog is already dead!, even though you would obviously waste time looking for your own dog because you’re attached to her stupid fluffy little face?

See, the reason the people waste time looking for the dog is that they don’t know they’re in a horror movie. If they did, they would behave differently.

HOWEVER. There are other times when people in horror movies do stuff that no human should ever do, because there is just no reason to do that thing, whether you are in a horror movie or not in a horror movie. Seances are an example of this. Never ever do a seance. You won’t derive any benefit from it if you’re not in a horror movie (probable outcome), but if you do happen to be in a horror movie without knowing about it, you will summon a really mean ghost who will now have extra power THAT YOU GAVE IT, which it will use to kill everyone you care about.

Okay, now, hands up anyone who has ever participated in a seance! Doesn’t count if you were younger than sixteen and doing it at a slumber party! I won’t be mad! (Just disappointed that you would do something that could cause countless evil spirits to be unleashed upon our peaceful and mundane world.)

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